Friday, October 14, 2011

Learning to Live with Grey Areas

Grey Areas - They're especially tough for me.  Everything is so much simpler when it's black and white.  Right or wrong. Yes or no.   When your thoughts tend to be as crowded as mine, those grey areas become a layer of Dead Sea mud in the Missouri River of my thinking.

Grey Areas are uncertainties.  They're effusive, elusive and shifting.  They're not outlined like coloring book pictures.  Their shapes are nebulous and move like smoke or water.  Bottom line:  The complete lack of definition in Grey Areas are unsettling for me.

Over the years I've come to realize that I am a grey area

I am also constantly changing, adapting and learning new ways of flowing through this space and around the lives of others.  Often I've run into great walls of rock solid opinions or cliffs of my own making.  I may have splashed, like a great wave upon someone else's shore, only to find that I've created the jagged peaks simply by my over-aggressive approach.  At other times I've encountered tranquil lagoons of stillness in others, where I wanted to stay, but the currents running through me made it impossible to remain so calm.

Lately my own Grey Areas are returning to a more centered, even flow.  While my shores and boundaries may shift, I am aware of my own banks and will more often take the path of least resistance.  I am still learning to keep more of myself together rather than splitting off into emotional or creative tributaries.  I am still learning to moderate how my will is perceived by others - to try to be aware of when my opinion is a tsunami or a changing of the tides - and to adjust.

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